This is a guest post by Jane Bongato

As a child, I was always a bit of a loner, although not necessarily by choice.

I was tall for my age and a bit awkward and uncoordinated when it came to taking part in sports at school. This meant that I was always picked last.

I wasn’t particularly good at any of the other activities that tend to be held in high esteem through middle school and high school, such as theatre, singing or dancing. And, to top it off, I suffered from acne throughout my adolescent years, which didn’t help my image with the popular kids.

While I was never bullied or purposely excluded from groups, most kids just didn’t seem to want to hang out with me or invite me to parties or after school activities. I tried to be more likeable, but popularity wasn’t in the cards for me.

This early rejection by my peers followed me through my adult years, and I have often struggled with low self-esteem and insecurity in social settings, which I now see has prevented me from reaching my full potential; both in my personal and professional lives. It wasn’t until a close friend confronted me about these issues that I realized just how much they had been holding me back.

We have all suffered rejection, whether from a friend, lover, sibling, parent, or professional acquaintance. Learning to deal with this rejection is vital to our future success. I haven’t fully overcome my fear of rejection, but facing up to it and taking action has helped me make significant progress.

With this in mind, I want to share some of the things I’ve learned through this process, in the hopes that others can benefit:

1. Try not to take rejection personally

When faced with rejection, we tend to take it as a direct affront to our skills, abilities, personality, or likability. However, most of the time, this isn’t the case; the timing may have been off, the other party may be dealing with a difficult issue, or the opportunity just wasn’t the right one for you. Simply put, rejection doesn’t necessarily mean there is something wrong with you, it just means you haven’t found the right thing yet. So put your best foot forward and don’t let rejection defeat you. Instead, let it make you stronger and wiser.

2. Stay positive

When we have been rejected, no matter what the circumstances may be, it is easy to get stuck on a negative wavelength and focus only on what you are missing out on. However, when rejection closes one door, it also means that another door has been opened up to you. Maybe not getting that job you wanted means you can spend more time with your family, or maybe there is a better one just around the corner. Chances are that person you wanted to go out with wasn’t right for you anyway, and you now have more time and space to focus on yourself.

3. Don’t keep your emotions pent up

No matter how positive we try to remain in the face of rejection, chances are you will have some negative emotions and thoughts to deal with before you can move forward to bigger and better things. Rather than closing yourself off from others and controlling emotions during difficult times, open up and let your emotions out. You may think that holding back your tears and pretending to be “okay” will make you stronger, but in the long run, it will actually break you down and wear you out. Don’t be afraid to cry or be angry, and don’t be afraid to open up and talk to your friends or loved ones when you are going through something that is difficult for you.

4. Identify the reasons for your rejection

Rejection can be a great way for us to grow and learn from our mistakes. When you are faced with rejection, try to identify the reason so that you can do better the next time around. If you don’t get the job you were hoping for, call and find out what the reason was. Maybe your timing was off and you can reapply in a few months, maybe your CV needs some work or the company would like someone with experience in a certain area. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, but it does mean that there may be something you can improve on or learn from.

5. Work on building your self-esteem

Rejections, especially early on in life, can cause our self-esteem to take a hit. When this happens and you are feeling low or struggling with insecurity, it is important to address these feelings and find a way to move past them. There are many things you can do to build your self-esteem and confidence. Some examples: Making a list of your good attributes and asking friends to name your positive traits, dressing better and improving your posture, taking classes, and attempting things you are afraid of. The important thing is that you take action and start actively working towards accepting yourself the way you are as well as identifying weak areas that can be improved.

What are some of your experiences with rejection? Overcoming rejection? Join the conversation with your comments…

Jane Bongato is part of the team behind Open Colleges, Australia’s provider of online counselling courses. Her spare time is spent reading, volunteering in community services, and bonding with family and friends.  

A couple of years ago, I read a book called The Go-Giver. The book’s lessons are delivered in the form of a parable about a young go-getter who is introduced to an older, wiser man, who teaches him about go-giving—putting others’ interests first and adding value to their lives. It’s a quick and easy read: a heart-warming book, which will help you to be happier and more successful, or reinforce what you are already doing.

While I enjoyed the book, and would recommend it enthusiastically, I wasn’t sure what the take-aways were for me. Then, a short while later, there was a two-week period where every time I was flipping TV channels, I would come across the Jim Carrey movie, Yes Man. It was during a time when I was watching very little TV, so it was especially notable that I kept stumbling upon this one movie. I had found the movie to be “okay” when I took my kids to see it in a theater during their school Christmas break in late 2008. Now, watching again, in bits and pieces, it grew on me.

At the start of Yes Man, Carrey’s character, Carl Allen, is a “No” Man. In a post-divorce funk, Carl says no to everything—from offers from friends to social events, to opportunities to better his career.

One day, he runs into an extremely upbeat acquaintance he hasn’t seen in a long time, who encourages him to attend a “Yes” seminar that had made a huge, positive difference in his life. Carl reluctantly attends the seminar and walks out unconvinced, but willing to try the strategy of saying “yes” to everything. Of course, being a movie, becoming a “yes” man helps Carl to turn his life around for the better.

I began to think that I could be more of a go-giver by saying yes to more things. I decided to focus on that for 21 days in order to help turn saying “yes” and “go-giving” into a habit.

Finding opportunities to say “yes” wasn’t hard. During the first 21 days I was presented with many chances to say “yes” to invitations—business functions, charity events, and meetings to develop new relationships. I also listened longer than usual to cold calls.

By saying “yes”, I felt nicer. I felt that I was giving more (go-giving) and I loved that feeling. Since then, I don’t say “yes” to everything (a conclusion Carl also came to in the movie), but I say “yes” more often and enjoy being more open-minded about opportunities that present themselves. This attitude has also resulted in a wonderful by-product at parties—whether the business-type, cocktail party or any other get together with a large group of people.

Did you ever go to a party and get “stuck” talking with someone? I have changed my way of experiencing those events so that now I enjoy spending time with whomever I end up with. By staying “present” with that person, and not “trying to get away”, I’ve learned things about people that I never would have, I like them better than I thought or imagined, and I’ve had experiences that were more enjoyable overall. Another happiness strategy.

One of my favorite authors is Lama Surya Das. In his book, Buddha is as Buddha Does, he says that the Buddha taught that the greatest act of all is the act of giving—giving the best of what we have, without reservations, hesitation, or regret. During those first 21 days I had the pleasant experience of having more than one person tell me that they appreciated that I was being more open—doing things, and being more giving of the high level gift of my time and attention. Pretty cool.

What are your experiences? Join the conversation with your comments…

Best regards,

David

p.s. Thanks to my terrific coach Brandie Hinen for recommending The Go-Giver—and for everything else.

This is a guest post by Alexander Ajede, a student at Fitchburg State University.

I have heard the statement, ‘I don’t know what I want to do when I get out of school’ too many times. Often the people who profess this have pursued a degree solely to make a living—perhaps even a lucrative one. It may seem to make sense to go to school to pursue a ‘tolerable’ profession that will allow one to make good/decent money. While seemingly “practical,” the result is many people taking up occupations that are undesirable.

Society should push as many people as possible away from mediocrity and conforming to others’ expectations. The only use for doing work that does not make you happy is as a means to reach your ultimate goals, your dream.

Many people will tell you to stop dreaming of this or that, and will tell you many reasons why it will never happen for you. Most of them do so because they are too afraid to take the venture themselves. Fear can have a harmful impact on determining your career or realizing your passions; it can be crippling or discouraging to any endeavors you may choose to take.

Once doubt or uncertainty sets in, it may be hard to extricate yourself from fear of failure, of disgrace, of letting your family down. Fortunately, I haven’t had family tell me I can’t or ‘you shouldn’t’; they’ve been relatively supportive. Those who share my attitude and are told that they can’t will respond with, ‘watch me’.

On the exterior, I have an unwavering bravado, but I’m as fraught with fright as anyone else. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know I won’t sit still to let society’s waves of uniformity and pragmatism decide my course. I’ll oppose it and chart my own way.

My greatest obstacle has always been myself. I had a faulty notion that I was not in control and that my upbringing was my greatest hindrance to being successful. I believed if I failed I would have someone or something else to blame—perhaps my lack of money or connections. I found it was much easier to place culpability on everything else.

I’m a writer about to graduate with a degree in professional writing and can appreciate those more experienced in the field who explain the practicalities of the profession, such as ‘if you write books, make sure to have a “day job” to support yourself,’ and how challenging this career may be, and how difficult it is to wait for a response from publishers. Yet, whether positive or negative, the advice they gave me was never a ‘don’t do it’ or ‘don’t go down that route’. Even if it was in their minds, they knew in their heart to not be an impediment to my passion.

What do you think? Join the conversation with your comments…

In a chapter on being grateful in a book I enjoyed reading at the end of 2012, A Spiritual Renegade’s Guide to the Good Life, author Lama Marut suggests going on a weekly “complaining fast,” declaring a moratorium on complaining for one day each week.

What will happen if you decide to adopt this habit is that you’ll start noticing yourself complaining. And then you’ll realize the smallness of the things that you are complaining about. You’ll see yourself sweating the small stuff, as I’ve liked to say since I read the classic Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff . And you’ll find that you are probably upset about what I now like to call “first world problems,” a term I head when I watched this awesome little video. Finally, after the complaining fast helps you learn to complain less (and appreciate how great things really are), more happiness will follow.

Be sure to watch the video. It’s brief. Then come back here and join the conversation. How did you like the video? And are you willing to try a complaining fast? Post your comments below…

Best regards,

David

This is a guest post by Heather Gray, a student at Fitchburg State University majoring in English and Middle School Education.

I have had a long-time struggle with criticism about my choices in literature. It has always seemed as if nobody understood why I wanted to read the genres I chose to read. Teachers would regularly ask me to try a non-fiction book, or tell me to read something with more substance. Substance……the word I have pondered for years trying to find its meaning.

As an English major, and a future English teacher, I am proud to say that I am pro- comic books, and pro- graphic novels. This sometimes surprises people; they wonder why I would favor students reading this “trash”. My answer is simple: I’m pro-reading, no matter what the genre.

Reading leads to learning and learning leads to becoming knowledgeable, and knowledge is power. This “trash” the students are choosing to read is the hook that’s getting them reading—and reading anything can invoke the learning process. Wouldn’t you rather that your kids, students, or grandchildren are reading something, than reading nothing at all?

My favorite books are by Jodi Picoult. She has written 21 wonderful novels for young adults and older. All of her novels are fiction, but are based on issues drawn from real life. Her novels all have very different, but well thought out topics, and she manages to pull readers in and make them want to keep reading. Not only are her books enticing and creative, but they contain an abundance of knowledge.

At the moment I am reading House Rules, a novel written by Picoult in 2010. This novel is a murder mystery, and about a young man with Asperger’s, and a family trying to stick together when times get tough. While many authors would only focus on the drama of the story, Picoult focuses on the Asperger’s disease itself and crime scene analyses. Picoult digs deep and gives her readers a great deal of knowledge on these subjects all the while keeping them interested in the story line.

By researching the topics and showing the reader research-backed results, authors of fiction such as Picoult are teaching readers, proving that one can learn from fiction. Every time I read one of Picoult’s novels I feel as if I have gained a little more substance on the subjects Picoult covers.

You can also learn from literature such as comic books, graphic novels, cookbooks, magazines, and romance novels. No matter what you are interested in, there is bound to be something informative between the covers. No literature should be deemed “trash” simply because of its format or genre.

Every piece of literature has a purpose, whether a historical biography or Fifty Shades of Grey. To call any piece of literature “trash” would imply that there is no use for it. While you may not see its use, or you may not be interested in it, others may.

If you want to be a lifelong learner—if you want to obtain a broad education and love learning new things as I do—I suggest you pick up all types of literature and keep an open mind about what contains information that you can learn from.

If you are curious about law, but are not a lawyer, what’s wrong with picking up a love story about a lawyer and his secretary? There’s bound to be law terminology and information that will help you understand what the career entails. If you’re interested in Beowulf, but don’t want to spend hours on end getting through the dense novel, what’s wrong with picking up the graphic novel and learning through images and short blurbs? If you’re interested in super heroes and the supernatural and have seen all the movies and still want to learn more, what’s wrong with reading comic books?

Any way you look at it, you will gain knowledge you not have if you decided not to read. No matter what age you are, no matter what you are reading, reading is better than not reading. It’s all a part of lifelong learning. You be the judge. What kind of reading do you think is substantial?

Join the conversation with your comments…

I was pleased to recently have a piece I wrote published on the Pick the Brain web site. Pick the Brain publishes a lot of terrific articles and I highly recommend that you check it out.

Here’s an introduction to the piece I wrote, and a link to the full article on Pick the Brain…

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Zig Ziglar, one of the most well-known motivational speakers of all time, passed away last year at the age of 86.

I’m not sure how I stumbled upon Ziglar’s work, but back in the late 1980s I recall listening to him on audio cassette in my car. Mostly, I would listen on long drives, and most of those drives were on weekends, with my wife, Marcie, in the car. If I was driving, which was most of the time, I would ask Marcie to make a note for me when I heard something that I particularly liked.

When Ziglar died, the obituary that I read was headlined, “Zig Ziglar, a speaker who pushed power of positive thinking.” Ironically, the time that I spent in my car back on those days was a time that I practiced what I now call “The Power of Negative Thinking.”

Read the rest here…

This is a guest post by Chelsea Carr

“You did not listen to me!” The woman pointed at me from across the counter. “See? She listened… You did not listen to me.” Well, what can you say to that? Not much.

Anyone working in retail knows that, to many customers, once you step foot behind the register, you cease to exist as an individual. You become part of whatever store you work in and all you are there for is to ring up customers. It can be a difficult experience, losing your identity in this manner, something I learned the hard way at work one night.

Despite working retail for almost two years, the fact that someone would talk to me so harshly was shocking. I knew that I had listened to the customer—that’s my job and it is because of my good listening skills that I was promoted to manager. But, you can’t make everyone happy. And although the experience of having a customer shout and point at me was horrifying, it helped me to rethink how I present myself to others.

We all have good days and bad days. Things can go wrong, but then they can go so right that you find the circumstances hard to believe. No matter what your day is like, though, things are always better if you look at the world with a smile on your face.

A smile can help you to feel better and can make all the difference in the world to other people—for example, someone ringing you up at a cash register. Yes, they are working, but they are also trying to get by in the world. Who knows what their life is like? The customer who yelled at me didn’t know that I was a college student who lived at home and worked every day after school to pay tuition.

There are those commercials on television about “Kindness – pass it on.” That’s what we need to do as human beings. I didn’t know what the story is for the cashier at the gas station I went to following work that same day, but I smiled at her and asked her how her night was going before she could give her obligatory greeting to me.

We can’t know everything about a person just by looking at them and judging someone isn’t right. But still, it happens. No matter how hard you try, you are often judged in life—for your looks, speech, or appearance. You just have to take it with a grain of salt and then learn from the experience.

This isn’t to say that all shoppers are rude—far from it! I can’t count the many times I’ve had wonderful conversations at my register with customers who smile and laugh and tell me their stories.

The other side of the experience with the customer who yelled at me is that I didn’t know what the customer’s life was like. Perhaps a difficult, personal situation was the reason that she was quick to become frustrated with me, despite my best efforts. And I was reminded after that night at work that I had a wonderful family to go home to; no matter how my shift at work ends, I get to go back to a place where I am happy and cared for.

My experience that night was thought-provoking, in ways that surprised me. For every person who is rude and uncaring, there are many more people who are kind and thoughtful. I like to remind myself that life is what we make it to be—an experience that can be rewarding and fulfilling, or depressing and pointless. And what fun is there to be found in a pointless existence?

When someone is rude to you, give them your biggest smile and politely say, “Have a nice evening.” Sometimes, being friendly is all it takes to turn a negative experience into a positive one.

Chelsea Carr is an English major focusing on professional writing at Fitchburg State University. She is a part-time manager at a nearby retail store. She tries to live her life day-by-day, taking every experience as it comes “because life is too short” to do otherwise. Chelsea was originally a nursing major and says she always gets a funny look when people find out that she switched from nursing to English. She wants to help people through her writing, which she plans to do as well as she could have through healing. Chelsea has three younger sisters and two wonderful parents, all of whom she is grateful to have in her life.

What are your experiences with smiling and how it has impacted your own happiness? Join the conversation with your comments…

Martin E. P. Seligman is known as the father of the positive psychology movement. In positive psychology, the idea is to focus on helping people to be happier rather than solely focusing on treating conditions.

Helping people to be happier is a huge driver for me and because I’m not a doctor or a therapist, positive psychology is particularly appealing to me. The ideas espoused in positive psychology are ones that I have been able to learn about by reading books and by putting into practice for myself. And I’ve written about them in my book and on my blog to help other people.

I recently read Seligman’s latest book, Flourish. The book was filled with ideas that were reinforcing for me—I never tire reading about ways to have a better life.

Seligman has written several books in the “happiness” genre. In this book, he talks about an expanded view of happiness. In his past books, he has focused on life satisfaction with a goal of happiness. In Flourish, he outlines a broader group of areas of focus with a goal of well-being: positive emotion, engagement (doing things you love to do), meaning (doing things that are bigger than yourself), for example, helping others), positive relationships, and accomplishment (achieving things).

The idea of focusing on well-being immediately appealed to me. Well-being is the genre where I place my book, Six Simple Rules for a Better Life, my blog, and my speaking engagements.

In my speaking engagements, when I was first asked if my sessions were about wellness, I explained that I cover a broader area including, among other things, happiness, kindness, leadership, and being organized, and I began to explain it as overall well-being.

And I feel the same way about my blog. Most bloggers write about happiness or health or leadership or something else. I know of few who write about multiple elements of well-being.

Here are some of my favorite takeaways from Flourish:

• Optimism is correlated with a stronger immune system. I’ve heard that many times and I feel it personally. It’s always good to read about studies and proof of good things.
• Other people are the best antidote to the downs of life and the single most reliable up. Doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise Seligman has tested.
• Gratitude can make your life happier and more satisfying. Feeling gratitude helps us to benefit from pleasant memories of past experiences. Expressing gratitude to others helps them to be happier and s strengthens our relationship with them.
• Writing down three things that went well at the end of each day, and why, is a proven happiness strategy. (See also my related blog post.)
• Negative emotions should not be squashed, they should be dealt with.
• People with high positive emotions get fewer colds.
• More optimistic people have better cancer outcomes.
• Most of the dieting industry is a scam. 80-95% of people who lost weight following diets on the best-seller lists regain all the weight or more over the next three to five years.
• Exercise is not a scam. A much higher percentage of people who take up exercise stick with it.

From the above bullets, each of us can create a list of goals. If you make that list, break those goals down into small pieces, and focus on them one at a time over the 21 days it takes to create a new habit. The result will be better well-being, flourishing, and a better life.

What do you think? Join the conversation with your comments…

Best regards,

David

For the past year-plus, I’ve been quite intrigued with the minimalism lifestyle movement. I regularly read several minimalist blogs. My favorite is Joshua Becker’s Becoming Minimalist .

There are many aspects of minimalism that appeal to me, including its connection to the fallacy that happiness comes from owning more and more “stuff.” I also count, “Be Organized” among my Six Simple Rules for a Better Life, and it’s much easier to stay organized when you have less” stuff.”

That’s why the following guest post by Ricky Peterson appealed to me. His piece provides practical suggestions that you may be able to use. And if you can’t use these ideas, perhaps they will at the least get you thinking differently about your stuff, and your future stuff.

I’ve been experimenting with aspects of minimalism for the past eight months and will report more on that in a post this summer. Enjoy Ricky’s post and let me know what you think.

Best regards,

David

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Having a clear and clutter free living space helps to make the most of what you’ve got and it can reduce your stress level. It also looks nice when you have more space and less stuff…Particularly if you live in a relatively small home.

It’s no surprise then that more people are taking the leap and trying out a minimalist approach to their living space. But how do you do it? What do you really need and what can you do without?

Read on for a handful of suggestions regarding furniture items that may be able to do without:

Corner Tables

You know those little tables in the corners of certain rooms, the little table by the front door, or the table in the corner of the dining room with a plant on it? These table often do not serve any purpose, and are easy targets for clutter.

This is perhaps one of the easiest ways to downsize your furniture and at the same time create a more clutter-free house.

TV Stand

This is one of the biggest space users in your living room (other than the sofa presumably) and it’s unnecessary. If you want to go to the extreme, you can get rid of your TV; sell it (or give it away) along with your DVD player and Xbox, and save a load of money on bills…

But if you really can’t do without a TV, get a wall mount. Use cable tidies to get all of the wires out of the way and you’ll have freed up some floor space and removed one item of furniture that loves to collect dust!

Display Cabinets

Are you a big fan of ornaments? Ornaments are a popular target of minimalists. They take up space and mean that dusting takes even longer!

Pick out your very favourite ornaments and sell/bin/store the rest. If you keep a select few items to decorate your window-sills, you can get rid of the display cabinet and enjoy the extra space and having less to clean.

Filing Cabinets

You may not even have one (in which case, move on to the next item). But for those of you who do, you need a scanner and a couple of hours set aside to go digital.

You can easily reduce the number of ‘must-keep’ paperwork items to the point where your filing cabinet is no longer necessary. Store important things digitally and back them up for extra security.

Big Sofas

You might be able to save some space by getting a smaller sofa. Reclining sofas or very bulky ones can be replaced by lower profile, corner sofas (for instance).

The Spare Bed

If you wish you had more quiet spaces where you could relax (perhaps for some time away from the kids), then think about your spare bedroom. How often do people really sleep over?

Chances are that most of the furniture in this room goes unused— a bed that never gets slept in and drawers and closets that tend to be full of clothes you don’t wear! If you are going to keep a bed in that room, consider a multi-purpose sofa bed. Then clear out your clothes and sell the excess dressers on eBay (or give them away to someone in need).

Make the spare room your own space, get some bean bags and make the most of the least utilized room in the house!

Bookshelves

Some people really love books, but if you keep a load of old books that you never look at, on a bookshelf that just takes up space, consider getting rid of it. How much better would a slightly more spacious room suit your needs?

And if you can’t stand the idea of getting rid of the bookshelf, perhaps you could move it to what used to be the spare bedroom (now you own private reading space!)?

About The Author

Hi there. My name is Ricky. I am a frugal-living fanatic and a newly-turned minimalist. I write for SofaSofa and I am a big believer in the maxim “less is more”. Thanks for reading my guest post!

Please join the conversation with your comments…

Harnessing the power of thinking—knowing that what we think has a huge impact on how we feel, and then putting that knowledge to use—has had powerful results for me. I’ve also learned that discounting other people’s feelings is a mistake and I’ve gotten better over time at balancing the power of thinking and the importance of empathy—putting myself in the other person’s shoes.

Empathy has been one of the keys to my success relationships. At work, for example, asking myself, “How would I feel if I was in that situation?” has helped me to know what to do in order to provide the best customer service. And at home, I’ve seen how much better I was able to help my kids once they got to ages that I could relate to, and experiences I remember having—allowing me to put myself into their shoes.

Roots of Empathy

With that background, it was with great interest that I attended a speech by Mary Gordon on her program Roots of Empathy.

Gordon is a pioneer of the anti-bullying effort. She has attacked bullying at its roots by teaching young kids to be empathetic—to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, to feel how someone else would feel.

The students in the Roots of Empathy program learn that we are all the same. We may have a different skin color, we may speak a different language, our cultures may differ—and we need to embrace and celebrate those differences.

Roots of Empathy’s unique approach is to have a baby in a classroom for regularly scheduled, weekly visits over a full school year. The children learn that if the baby cries a lot, it is not a bad baby. If the baby doesn’t sleep well, it is not a bad baby. They learn that what they are seeing is not a bad baby, but a baby with various feelings. The children learn that, like the babies, we are each different in our own ways. And we each experience various feelings.

When the kids watch the baby reaching for a toy out of its reach, they see the baby get frustrated. The kids then feel frustrated for the baby, and are taught that they have just experienced empathy—feeling someone else’s feelings. They learn that empathy is something that will help them to be good citizens in all areas of their life.

My Experience with Bullies

I was bullied when I was a kid. Of course, I hated it. But, I thought it was normal. Part of growing up.

I don’t mean I sucked it up. I don’t mean I was stoic about it. I just thought it was my lot. I grew up watching the Little Rascals on TV. Butch, the neighborhood bully, would push around Alfalfa, and I thought I was just like Alfalfa.

Like Alfalfa, I did my best to avoid the bullies and bullying situations. But, like Alfalfa, sometimes I couldn’t avoid them entirely.

Fortunately, being bullied didn’t feel like an overwhelming part of my life at the time. But it definitely had a long-term effect. I didn’t make the connection until I was in my late 40s until I realized that childhood fantasies of getting back at the bullies had fueled a bunch of adult outbursts. None of those outbursts were positive experiences and some got me in big trouble, including once that landed me in the hospital when I was 24.

Bullying has come into the spotlight in recent years. I’ve said many times that I wish they had the anti-bullying laws when I was a kid—and also the anti-bullying education, training, and awareness that allows kids to feel comfortable going to their teacher, their principal, or their parents. I never complained about a bully to anyone. I figured that if I did I would be asking for more trouble the next time I ran into the bullies.

Roots of Empathy’s Results

The students in Roots of Empathy learn to treat others the way you want to be treated; they learn to be “upstanders” instead of bystanders—to stand up against bullying; they learn to recognize their own bullying behavior; and they learn that everybody has feelings.

They are observed and evaluated so that the program’s outcomes can be measured. And it works. They come out of the experience changed and enlightened, consistently exhibiting a decrease in aggression, an increase in prosocial behavior, and an increase in social and emotional understanding.

They are taught that if something doesn’t feel fair, go with your feelings and know that it isn’t fair. If you see something, say something and do something. If you see another kid alone in the playground, go over to them and include them. “Do you want to play?” is the question that breaks down every barrier and “You can’t play with us” is the cruelest thing a kid can hear. And for the kids who participate in Roots of Empathy, those aren’t just words. They have learned as children—as I have learned as an adult—that empathy is the gateway.

Think about your own experiences today. Spend some time noticing your behavior and that of those around you. Work on your own empathy and help others to get in touch with their ability to empathize. As Mary Gordon says, “If we can get man to walk on the moon, we can get man to walk in each other’s shoes.”

What were your experiences with bullying? What are your experiences with empathy? Join the conversation with your comments…

Best regards,

David