Almost eight years ago, I wrote a blog post titled “Exposure Breeds Empathy,” which you can read here. The piece is pretty long. If you are even slightly inclined to read it, I urge you to do so. The gist of the piece is the way being exposed to others who are different than us leads to acceptance. Eight years later, in our incredibly divided world, this concept is more important than ever.
Earlier this year, there was an incident at the BAFTA (British Academy of Film and Television Arts) awards ceremony. As the event was about to begin, the floor manager gave a special pre-show announcement to the celebrity audience. Among the guests at the event was John Davidson, the inspiration behind the movie “I Swear,” which had been nominated for numerous awards. Davidson’s autobiography, “I Swear: My Life With Tourette’s,” details how debilitating the condition can be, increasing the risk of arrest, bullying and social isolation.
“John has Tourette’s syndrome,” the official said, “so please be aware you might hear some involuntary noises or movements during the ceremony.” The announcement did not explain that Tourette’s can cause Davidson to shout racist, sexist, and other offensive remarks involuntarily.
Minutes later, as Michael B. Jordan and Delroy Lindo, who are Black, presented the night’s first award, Davidson, who is white, shouted a racist slur. If you wish to read more about this entire incident and the resulting fallout, you can find plenty of info by googling it.
My experience when reading about the incident was to be horrified for Davidson. How terrible to have to go through life as someone who is unable to control what he says. As I said at the start of this piece, the name of my prior piece on this subject is “Exposure Breeds Empathy.” And, I have been exposed to Tourette’s.
A couple of years ago, when one of my favorite, long-time doctors retired, he referred me to a new doctor. When I checked in for my first appointment at the new doctor’s office, I was handed a brochure explaining about Tourette’s, and that the doctor has this condition.
I knew what Tourette’s was, but had never before experienced it firsthand. Despite being prepared by the brochure, I was somewhat shocked as the doctor uttered involuntary noises and remarks.
However, I left the appointment happy that I had found a doctor whose approach I liked for my needs, and grateful that the doctor has been able to have a successful career despite this terrible condition.
Another example of exposure leading to empathy – a totally different one – relates to dogs.
When I was a kid, my parents held out despite years of my siblings and I begging, before giving in and getting a dog. Sadly, our dog died very young. By that time, my parents had learned that their three kids had not lived up to our promise to take care of the dog. So, we never got another one.
When my three kids were growing up, they asked for a dog once. My wife and I said no because we felt the three of them were already more than enough work for us. What surprised me was when my kids accepted “no” for an answer, unlike my siblings and I who were unrelenting.
So, I have had very little exposure to dogs before the past few years. My three kids are grown and so far two of them have dogs. My son and daughter-in-law live a plane ride away, so I don’t see their dog very often. My daughters each live a 45-minute drive away, so we see regularly them, and have dog-sat quite a few times.
What got me thinking about dogs as an example of the way exposure leads to empathy was during a recent hike my wife and I were taking in the woods near where my dad lives. As happens fairly frequently, we passed someone walking their dog. In this case, the woman was working hard to make sure her dog stayed in control as we passed her.
We ended up chatting a bit. She told me her dog is almost three and she and her husband adopted her as a rescue a few months ago and, “You don’t know what kind of trauma they experienced before you adopted them, so I’m very careful to keep her under control around other people, and even more so around other dogs.” I told her my daughter adopted Tater, who is going to be three this year, and that Tater can be very jumpy around other dogs.
We ended up talking for a while before we all continued on our way. As we said goodbye, the woman said, “Thanks for stopping to talk, it’s good for her to get used to this.”
I kept thinking about that dog for the rest of the weekend. I was saddened thinking about the kind of trauma her dog may have experienced.
If people can develop those kinds of feelings, and have those kind of thoughts, after such a brief interaction with a dog, we can certainly develop and express empathy for other people.
As we know, at any given time, there are many people who are struggling in various ways. It’s particularly easy to find those people during these turbulent times. Getting to know people who are different than you, who have different challenges than you do, who have different views than you do, leads to empathy. And your empathy is not only better for them than your indifference – and for sure than your enmity – your empathy is also better for you, and will help make the world a better place.
All my best,
David