I’ve written and spoken about New Year’s resolutions countless times. My main messages relating to New Year’s resolutions are:
- They tend to fail because we make too many, or ones that are too big
- New habits can be formed any time of year, not just in January
Rather than making too many, or making ones that are too big, and rather than focusing on the new year, break down your goals into small pieces, and focus on one for the 21 days it takes to form a habit. Then another. And another. All year long. Even if the habits are tiny, all those habits will add up to big changes – that stick!
Late last year, I read a piece in the Wall Street Journal about making changes that stick. It was very much along the lines of my approach. The piece by Oliver Burkeman was summarized as, “Instead of resolving to become a different person (for the New Year), try setting achievable goals.” Some of the great points from the piece:
- If New Year’s resolutions worked, there would be far fewer people in the market for a new beginning, year after year.
- What keeps us from accomplishing those things is rarely a lack of self-discipline, or needing a more efficient system for building healthier habits. More often, it’s the very attempt at making sweeping changes that stands in the way of a different, happier, and more meaningful life.
- The appeal of a “New You” doesn’t have to do with exercising more, making more money, or accomplishing any other concrete change. Rather, it’s about obtaining a sense of security and control over life. We want to finally feel that we’re in the driver’s seat when it comes to our health, finances, personality traits, and so on.
- Buying exercise equipment and watching tutorials all help fuel the feeling that control lies just around the next corner. By contrast, actually making a change in your life, here and now, requires the surrender of control. It demands that you exercise for 20 minutes today, even if you don’t have the best running shoes, with no certainty that you’ll enjoy the experience or manage to turn it into a long-term habit.
- Commit to what (Burkeman) likes to call “radical doability.” This means having the guts to engage in new habits “dailyish,” in the words of the meditation podcaster Dan Harris—not so wedded to rigid consistency that a few missed sessions knock you entirely off track. It also means embracing the pleasure of an easily reachable goal. If you want to wake up at 5 a.m. every day but struggle to get out of bed, make 7 a.m. your initial goal and relish every day you meet that goal or exceed it.
- Radical doability also means focusing on a limited number of goals at a time. If this is your year for getting fit, it probably isn’t also the time to start decluttering your home or learning a new language.
- Stop trying to become a different kind of person and instead start doing a few things differently: one message to a friend, one meditation session, one workout. Not later, but right now.
Be well,
David